Sunday, 18 January 2015

New Year | 2015 | Recovery Project + RPI- leave my body

Late to the party, as always. I’m sorry this post is so late, I’ve got two excuses: one is that I prioritised myself and two) lack of access to a computer with internet. So sorry.

Around November time last year, I decided on a phrase called the “Recovery Project” but hadn’t really defined it. Just before then, my anxiety peaked, and I begged Neil to let me come back home from Lanzarote. It was more a lesson than an opportunity, but it made me really realise how ill I’d become. I knew my anxiety was out of control. Then things went kind of wrong and I ended up a little homeless, and developing depression… but I have housing now, and I’ve been getting some help. Since things have been falling apart a bit, and I’ve had a lot of help, support and resources, I’m trying to get better.

So for 2015… or at least indefinitely I am beginning the “Recovery Project.” I didn’t want to give myself too much pressure with deadlines or anything so there’s no real upload schedule. I will try and make it regular though since it is a progress thing and it’s important to me to create content, which I haven’t really been doing much. OKAY, okay, what is this “Recovery Project”?? It will be a written and visual journal of my (hopefully) recovery from anxiety and depression. It’s personal, so everything will be posted exclusively HERE, and a few photos will make it onto Flickr.
This leads on nicely to my first RP post:

RPI – Leave my body 

7th January.

(Okay so the photo in my head was beautiful, and what did I actually make? This surrealist monstrosity. I don’t know… I just played with masks and textures and ended up with this. I suppose I can’t help myself. I tried to make it look like a sort of screen cap? Did it work?)

The first week of 2015 was fairly positive, because I made it so. That’s right – I can take charge of how I see things. I got a few anxiety self-help apps on my phone, my friend introduced me to a facebook group for young people with chronic illnesses, and I found out my application for ESA was accepted. All good things. I’ve been trying to improve my self-esteem by making myself smile in a mirror every day for no reason; smiling has been psychologically proven to improve your mood even when you’re not in a good mood. I’ve started to eat what I want, and remove my unhealthy association with feeling bad and eating. Part of my recovery/resolutions is having a word for the year, and mine is “CARE.” – self-care, care about others, care about the world. While eating what I want probably isn’t the best way to self-care (it’s not healthy really, way too much macaroni cheese), I’m doing a bit of a Liz Gilbert and indulging myself before doing things healthily and right.

L x 

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