Post Christmas // January 2014: part i

Happy New Year!

After Christmas I started documenting my days on my new baby, my Holga 135. A lot of people ask me why I choose to use an old film camera instead of my DSLR, but ever since I first used film in 2009, a love affair began. Digital photography allows you to perfect a picture, since you can view the picture afterwards and adapt accordingly. Film allows you to enjoy it more, since you don't know how the photo will turn out, and half the fun is the anticipation!

I’ve never liked January. It’s the New Year, but what changes really? It’s the continuation of December, but even more bleak, since the colours and excitement of Christmas have disappeared. Autumn is my season of change; the sun lowers, the leaves die, the academic break ends.

The end of the year has been slow, convoluted and full of glitter. It was slow because nothing seemed to happen at all, it was convoluted because not only did I nearly break myself with university stress, I had to deal with travelling and organising, deal with feelings and people. It was full of glitter because it was Christmas.

I went to see The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug with an old friend, Neil, and we said a sad goodbye at the station. I drank lots around the family dinner table and hated every moment of it, I missed my parents and spent New Year’s Eve quietly with my friends playing games and watching TV. I ate until I was overfull every night.

The turning of the year was spent mostly indoors and not sleeping properly. I did uni work sporadically and spent far too much time on Youtube. The days were meant to be longer but I don’t see it yet. I yearn to go places and see people but I have too much spare time and not enough money. I’m always restless, so I write poems hoping the feelings will leave my chest.

"Next to the winter birch -

I can see the wind brushing

Against your chapped lips.

I could see your form -

Among the rhododendrons

But it was fading.

Just an illusion -

Although your eyes burned into me

Could have sworn they did.

(Of course they didn’t.)"

You don’t have chapped lips. I made that up.

L x.