New Year | 2015 | Recovery Project + RPI- leave my body

Late to the party, as always. I’m sorry this post is so late, I’ve got two excuses: one is that I prioritised myself and two) lack of access to a computer with internet. So sorry.

Around November time last year, I decided on a phrase called the “Recovery Project” but hadn’t really defined it. Just before then, my anxiety peaked, and I begged Neil to let me come back home from Lanzarote. It was more a lesson than an opportunity, but it made me really realise how ill I’d become. I knew my anxiety was out of control. Then things went kind of wrong and I ended up a little homeless, and developing depression… but I have housing now, and I’ve been getting some help. Since things have been falling apart a bit, and I’ve had a lot of help, support and resources, I’m trying to get better.

So for 2015… or at least indefinitely I am beginning the “Recovery Project.” I didn’t want to give myself too much pressure with deadlines or anything so there’s no real upload schedule. I will try and make it regular though since it is a progress thing and it’s important to me to create content, which I haven’t really been doing much. OKAY, okay, what is this “Recovery Project”?? It will be a written and visual journal of my (hopefully) recovery from anxiety and depression. It’s personal, so everything will be posted exclusively HERE, and a few photos will make it onto Flickr.

This leads on nicely to my first RP post:

RPI – Leave my body 

7^th January.

(Okay so the photo in my head was beautiful, and what did I actually make? This surrealist monstrosity. I don’t know… I just played with masks and textures and ended up with this. I suppose I can’t help myself. I tried to make it look like a sort of screen cap? Did it work?)

The first week of 2015 was fairly positive, because I made it so. That’s right – I can take charge of how I see things. I got a few anxiety self-help apps on my phone, my friend introduced me to a facebook group for young people with chronic illnesses, and I found out my application for ESA was accepted. All good things. I’ve been trying to improve my self-esteem by making myself smile in a mirror every day for no reason; smiling has been psychologically proven to improve your mood even when you’re not in a good mood. I’ve started to eat what I want, and remove my unhealthy association with feeling bad and eating. Part of my recovery/resolutions is having a word for the year, and mine is “CARE.” – self-care, care about others, care about the world. While eating what I want probably isn’t the best way to self-care (it’s not healthy really, way too much macaroni cheese), I’m doing a bit of a Liz Gilbert and indulging myself before doing things healthily and right.

L x 

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Favourites of 2014

Doing something a bit different for the New Year: a favourites post! I didn't want to dwell on the year as it wasn't the best and decided instead to think about the things I did enjoy. You'll get to know me better, anyway! I'll post more about 2015 later this week, so watch this space. 

Fave TV show:

Shall we start with one of the hardest questions? Sure. I have watched so much TV this year, but most of it are second seasons of shows (2014 was good for that too). 

I'm going to say that SUPERNATURAL is my favourite show of the year. Season 9 was so. good. I think it may have broken me with its emotional rollercoaster, and I felt it especially sharply as I have marathoned seasons 1-9 in just over a year, and was able to watch Season 10 (which started in October 2014) as it aired! (Waiting for episodes is horrible)

Honourable mentions: IN THE FLESH (Oh god Season 2 was a cinematic masterpiece and it definitely comes second), Orphan Black, Orange is the New Black, Game of Thrones. 

Fave Song:

It's not the best song that's come out this year but for me it's Shake It Off by Taylor Swift. It's got me through a lot of difficult moments, and it's so catchy? And I kind of like how Taylor Swift is making fun of herself/the media. 

Honorable mentions: Take Me To Church by Hozier (I know it didn't come out this year but it came out in the charts this year), Anaconda by Nicki Minaj

Fave Film:

Oh god this one is also really hard. I'm going to say The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies because I love the entire franchise. It's also really sad though and I spent a good half hour through the whole credits crying and being the second last person there while my boyfriend 'aww are you okay'ed at me. 

Honorable mentions: The Hunger Games Mockingjay part I, 22 Jump Street, Guardians of the Galaxy, How to Train your Dragon 2  

Fave book:

This is the first question where an answer came immediately: The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. Rarely have I enjoyed a book so thoroughly where there is not a lot of plot. And I ate it up. Wholeheartedly. 

Honorable mentions: The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness, Gone by Michael Grant, 1984 by George Orwell, Clariel by Garth Nix (I'm sorry all I read was Dystopian novels, but they were so good)

Fave make-up product:

I only got a magazine sample of it, but I FELL IN LOVE: Benefit's They're Real: Push Up Gel Eyeliner. At £18.50 it's expensive but it so easy to apply (despite being confused and dubious at first. You squeeze the eyeliner out, so that just sounds dumb right? Wrong, it's magical). 

Fave face/body product:

Okay so I've only used this product like, twice? Because it's my friend's, and I borrowed some when I stayed over, but I WILL buy it since it's perfect: Soap and Glory's Peaches and Clean Cleanser. It smells of peaches, but not like, regular peach shower gel - more like you're rubbing a real, cut peach on your bare face. It is so fresh and a little weird but it's addictive. I am becoming a bit obsessed with peaches lately since another friend got me Body Shop's Peach Shower Gel for Christmas as a half-joke (my surname is Peach). 

Honorable mentions: Superdrug's Soothing Green Tin Lip Balm in Aloe Vera 

Let me know what you've enjoyed in 2014 and what you'd recommend! In the meantime, I'll write that next post. 

L x 

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